A Year of Faith, Hope, & Love

This guy has taught me more than I could have ever learned about life the past 365 days.

Let me start by saying Happy First Birthday to our son, Yates!

On this day last year, I was not sure if we would make it to this day. I have had scary days in my life, but they pale in comparison to the day you were born. This is the day I truly learned what faith was all about. When you were born almost four months early and were only 470 grams, or about 1 lb. 0.6 oz, I was frustrated that there was nothing I could do to help you. I had to turn to my faith and put it in His hands. Prayer was all I had that day and boy did I pray. I know that I was not the only one praying that day and the days that followed...and I thank each of you who joined in the prayers from the bottom of my heart. I saw the power of prayer each and every day we were in the NICU and I still see it today as you grow stronger. Witnessing the miracle that you are has grown my faith, and it is stronger than ever.

Today, I have more hope than ever before. It is easy to not have hope in the world we live in everyday, but your birth and life gives me hope that there is greatness still in this world today. Our family was filled with hope by the amazing, caring individuals that cared for you the four months you were in NICU. My hope grows as I watch you grow, and as I see the joy on your face each and every day. I am hopeful you will be one of those amazing, caring individuals that makes this world a better place.

Love for you filled my heart even before you were born. It grows each and every day for you, and I did not realize I could love someone as much as I love you. Your smile warms my heart! Your giggles fill my heart with joy! The love I have for you is endless!

Thank you for teaching me more about faith, hope, and love than I ever knew. I hope I can return the favor as you grow into a young man.

Happy First Birthday, Little Man!

Mommie loves you always and forever!

Emotional Roller Coaster

To say the last four months have been an emotional roller coaster is an understatement.  Brittany and I jumped on this roller coaster in July.  It was July 23, the day after our first anniversary, that marked the first intrauterine insemination (IUI). 

So when it comes to couples that have to use a fertility doctor to get pregnant, there is a bit of confusion on the process.  I have realized many people think there is only one process for this is to take the eggs and fertilize them in a petri dish.  This is not IUI.  Intrauterine insemination takes place inside the body. 

Let me take you through one IUI cycle.  Brittany would call the clinic on the first day of full flow of her period.  On the second or third day of her cycle she would go to the clinic for an ultra sound to evaluate her follicles and uterus lining.  If all looked good then she would start the hormone regiment.  Brittany would take Femara for three days.  On days four and five, she would continue the Femara and add the Gonal injections.  Then, on day six, she would go back to the clinic for another ultra sound to measure the growth of the follicles.  Through this process, the hope is to have at least two or three mature follicles (at least 17 centimeters).  If there are at least two mature after the first six days of hormones then Brittany would take what is called the trigger shot.  This is an injection that tells the brain to release the mature eggs.  If the follicles still needed to mature, then she would take another injection of Gonal and then went back in on the next day to measure the follicles again, and this goes on until there are two to three follicles mature.  Usually it only takes seven to eight days to get the follicles to mature and to administer the trigger shot.  After the trigger shot, it would be between 24 to 36 hours for the insemination to take place.  Brittany would go into the office and the semen would be placed passed the cervix and into the uterus with something that looks like a catheter with a syringe attached to it.  After the insemination, comes a two week waiting period.  Brittany then went in to have blood drawn for the pregnancy test.

Now you understand the process, and let me explain the emotional roller coaster.  At the beginning of this process, you are on the highest of highs.  Brittany and I were so excited that we could potentially be pregnant after the three week process.  The idea of growing our family and bringing a baby into this world made us so happy.  After the insemination, you are still excited, but now you experience anxiety and worry because of the unknown.  We continued to be up beat and positive, but every now and then doubt creeps in.  During the two weeks before the pregnancy test, Brittany would experience morning nauseousness and would feel cramps.  Both of these could be symptoms experienced when you are pregnant, so the excitement would build even more.  Then it is the day of the blood test and you are excited and anxious.  We both knew it takes couples an average of three tries, with IUI, to get pregnant,  yet you are still hopeful that you are not average and it works.  The first pregnancy came back negative.  Even though we knew there was a good chance of this, Brittany and I went from being excited and hopeful to sad and frustration.  We cried together and also struggled with the news individually.  From the highest of highs to the lowest of lows.....emotional roller coaster!

We could not stay down for long, because the process starts all over again pretty quickly.  Brittany would stop all her medications, wait for here cycle to start and the process was in motion.  We have gone through the process a total of four times.  Rounds three and four had an extra bump in the road because Brittany had developed cysts on her follicles after the second and third insemination.  She had to go on birth control pills for about two weeks to eliminate the cyst before the process started. 

Each round brought feelings of hope and excitement and frustration and sadness.  After the third negative pregnancy test, we changed donors hoping this would make a difference.  Brittany and I received the results of the fourth pregnancy test this past Thursday and it was also negative.

This last negative test was really hard for us.  Complete frustration has set in.  Once again, we cried and felt the lowest of lows.  We both began to wonder if this was going to happen for us.  There have also been conversations with our doctor that if this round did not work, then we might need to think about taking a different approach to getting pregnant.  So on top of feeling sad and frustrated, you add a ton of worry about if we can afford to take a different approach. 

Brittany and I now have an appointment with Dr. Crawford to discuss where we go from here.

Swipe Right, Swipe Left!

Many people have joined an online dating service at some point in their lives.  This is the best way I can explain the experience of picking the donor for our future kiddo. 

The process of searching for the right donor reminded me a lot of being on a dating site.  You identified the characteristics of the future donor that are important to you to generate a list of potential donors.  There is no limit to the types of characteristics you can select.  There are the normal things you think of like ethnicity, hair color, eye color, height, and weight.  Then there other characteristics you don’t think about right away like their religious affiliation and the types of hobbies they have.  The list of characteristics you chose from has almost anything you can think of on it.  Once you have selected the characteristics that are important and generated the list of donors that match then you read through the profiles.  Just like a dating service, you only have access to a small amount of the profile without paying.  Brittany and I used the free information to create our favorites list.  Once again, this process is much like a dating service by clicking on the heart to add to potential donor to your favorites.  When you remove a donor from your favorites list the little heart breaks. 

So the first thing Brittany and I did when picking a donor was to determine which characteristics we wanted the donor to have.  Our thought process was to pick a donor with characteristics similar to mine since I was not going to have any biological impact on the baby.  We selected all the things we were looking for in a donor; Southern and Eastern European ancestry, hazel eyes, brown hair, college education, athletic, minimum of 6 foot tall, previous pregnancies, and CMV-.  The first list had other characteristics on it, but I cannot remember all of them of the top of my head.  After selecting all the characteristics we clicked search.  To our surprise, there were no matches.  The lesson learned was that we were not going to find a donor with everything we wanted, so we had to decide which characteristics were the most important. 

The more we thought about it, many of the characteristics we selected for the first search were characteristics that were not determined by biology but were things that are learned through their raising.  So we decided to focus on the biological characteristics.  Once we did this our search generated a list of about 15 to 20 possible donors.  We then started the process of reading through the profiles and medical history and created our favorites list.  This whittled the list down to 10. 

From the list of 10, there were two that quickly made it to the top of the list based on the short profile and medical history.  The funny thing about each of them was the fact that neither one of them looked anything like me.  They both had dark brown hair with brown eyes and darker skin tone.  However, Brittany and I liked what they said in the profile and the medical history and we liked their baby pictures.  Of those two, there was one that stood out.  He was a triathlete, in college, cute baby, and had a clean medical record. 

Once it was time for us to pick a donor, we paid for the 3 month subscription to the site.   This gave us access to the entire profile and medical history for all of the donors.  This also gave us access to adult pictures of the donors if they had them. 

When we had access to all the information the list of 10 started to shrink really fast, and the top two candidates fell from the top fast.  Now some of the top 10 were taken from the list because they no longer had sperm for IUI.  This left us with six to go through.  Here is the moment we might sound a little superficial…the first full profile we opened was a donor who did have a life series of pictures.  This means there are photos from infant to adulthood.  Brittany and I first looked at the pictures.  The young man was a cute infant and toddler, but his appearances as an adult was not what we expected.  After this, we decided we might want to stick with donors that included an adult photo.  Even though we had decided to go with donors with adult pictures, the donor that was at the top of the list before we had full profiles did not have an adult picture and we still decided to go through his in-depth profile to see if we still liked him.  Simply put, he fell from the top quickly.  His grades in high school and college were not very good, which to me translates to a lack of motivation and drive.  The final piece of the puzzle that made us decide he was not the right one for us was his full audio interview.  I believe you can tell a little bit about a person when you listen to them talk.  His answers were short and did not seem to have a ton of thought behind them.  I was almost instantly turned off from him once the interview started.  With the top two off the list now, we carefully went through the remaining donors on our favorites list. 

After going through all of the profiles, there was one that stood out and he had to be the donor.  If the goal was to find someone like me then this was the one….except I do have to admit he might be a little smarter than me.  The donor we picked is between the ages of 18-22…does younger mean better swimmers?  He graduated in the top 10 of his class in high school and scored high on his SAT and ACT tests.  He also played baseball and football in high school and was inducted into his high school Hall of Fame for baseball.  Currently, he is attending college majoring in Economics with a double minor in Environmental Studies and Math.  He also plays baseball and football in college.  As for his physical appearance, he had blond hair as a toddler with blue eyes.  As an adult he has brown hair.  He has an athletic build and is very handsome.  Finally, the results of his personality test were almost identical to mine.  All of the characteristics that were similar to mine and a clean personal and family medical history, it was no question this was the donor for us. 

Brittany and I are excited about the possibility of becoming parents!  This has been something we have been talking about for a while now, and now that we have a donor and sperm ordered it is becoming closer to reality!  The time for all the preliminary testing is over and now we start the process of getting pregnant!

Normal Levels

Yesterday, Brittany had her second round of blood drawn to see if her levels are in the normal ranges.  Today, the clinic called with the results and it was good news.  Her TSH (thyroid) levels went from 5.2 to .034 which is considered excellent!  I think the meds worked!  The A1C levels went from 5.8 to 5.2 and that is within the normal range.  Her Vitamin D levels are also in the normal range.  

So what does all that mean?!  This means we are done with all the initial testing and we can start the actual insemination process.  Well, it means Brittany and I need to conclude the "extreme vetting" in the next few weeks and pick a donor.  

I can tell you the list of possible donors has been cut down to 11 candidates.  By the way, going through the donors feels a little bit like being on a dating site, including the clicking of the little heart to add a donor to the favorites list.  All joking aside, this is a stressful process.  We first decide what characteristics we would like the potential donor to have.  I can say that Brittany and I were on the same page when it came to the characteristics.  Brittany wants to find a donor that has a similar ethnic background as me.  This means we are looking for an ethnic background of Czech if possible and Eastern European to open the selection pool a little.  When picking characteristics you can get as detailed as you want from ethnic background, hair color, eye color, religion, education level, etc.  The first time we searched, we checked off all the characteristics we wished for and clicked search.  To our amazement, there were no exact matches.  We quickly realized we would have to be less detailed in our wish list and decided to focus on the ethnic background and go from there.  That lead to the 11 possible donors on our favorite list.

Brittany and I will now take a closer look at each of the 11 to determine who the finalist will be.  I have three on the list that I am partial too.  The funny thing is that two of the three would probably produce a baby that would look nothing like me.  Mixed with Brittany genes the baby would for sure have darker skin tone, brown eyes, and dark brown hair.  I would look like the nanny!  They do have the Czech ethnicity, but that is about the only characteristics I would have in common with my child.  We will have to see how it all shakes out and I will let you know when the decision has been made.  

Free Flowing

So, this post is a little late...ok it is a lot late and I know many have been looking forward to it.

Several weeks ago, we went in to see if Brittany's Fallopian tubes were open.  This required an hysterosalpingogram or HSG.  This is an x-ray that looks at the inside of the uterus and the Fallopian tubes.  From what I could make out, this is not a pleasant experience.  The procedure requires a dye to be put through a thin tube and then that tube is put through the vagina and into the uterus.  The dye then flows through the uterus and the Fallopian tubes.  Then a balloon is inflated to prevent the dye from flowing out while and x-ray is taken.

This test will show any abnormalities of the uterus and blockages in the Fallopian tubes.  As you can see from the picture, both of Brittany's tubes are flowing freely and there are no issues with the uterus.  This is great news!  We don't have to worry about the eggs not being able to move through the tubes and the sperm not being able to swim and meet them.

The HSG itself was, "uncomfortable" as described by Brittany.  She also experienced cramping for the rest of the day which is normal after this test.  She did not experience as much pain as some do, so we were grateful for that.

Since the test, Brittany has been taking her medication to regulate her thyroid and to lower her A1C.  We have also been working on eating better to help with the thyroid levels.  It has been a little over a month taking the meds and it is time to have more blood tests.  We are hopeful that her levels are where they need to be and if so, we will begin the actual insemination process in July.

I have always appreciated my wife, but that appreciation has grown throughout this process.  I am grateful she is willing to go through all the procedures to grow our family.  Thank you Baby and I love you more than you know.

Messy Blood

My phone vibrates and the text message reads, "Just got off the phone with Austin Fertility Institue and my blood work is somewhat a mess."

Brittany and I have been waiting to hear the results of her blood work for several reasons.  First, knowing her blood type and if she is CMV positive or negative will help narrow down the candidates for donors.  Second, with Brittany having Hashimoto's the thyroid numbers are important to look at.

So when she said her blood work was a mess, I was assuming she was talking about the thyroid numbers and I was right.  We both figured Brittany's Thyroid-Stimulating Hormone (TSH) would be high because she has not been on medication and has not been strict on her diet, but I don't think we expected it to be as high as it was.  The TSH number is important, because if it is above 2.5 then the risk of miscarriage increases and the possiblity of intellectual retardation increases.  Brittany's TSH came in at a 5.2.  This will be addressed with meds and diet.  Another concern was revealed through the test, Brittany has a high A1C level.  Dr. Crawford told her she is not diabetic, but in the pre-diabetic range and will need to take meds to regulate this and will need to cut sweets and carbs from the diet.

These results mean we will have to wait to start trying to get pregnant for at least 4 to 6 weeks.  Like I said, it is important to get the TSH numbers down and to regulate the A1C levels.  Brittany has already started the medications and there will be new blood work in about 4 weeks and hope the numbers come back lower and we can be ready to move forward in June.

Looking at the positive side of the setback, this gives us more time for the extreme vetting of possible donors.  From the testing, we know we can go with a donor that has any blood type and needs to be CMV -.  It is time to get serious about the vetting!

Beautiful Uterus

Second vist to the Fertiltiy Institute and Brittany had to go it alone because I could not get out of work.  The purpose of the visit was to make sure everything was good with her uterus and there are no abnormalities.

Brittany was nervous the morning of because she was not sure what to expect.  Brinttany asked me if I thought the ultra sound she was having was a regular ultra sound or if they were going to have to actually put something inside to see the uterus.  Of course I am not a doctor so I did not have a clue, and I was not sure why it mattered.

On my way home from work my phone rang...it was Brittany.  I answered and asked how everything was going.  She responded in a whisper that she had to remove her clothes from the waist down and that there was a wand that was going to be going you know where.  I then told her, "I guess it's not your regular ultra sound."  I told her I loved her and we got off the phone.

It was not much longer after that Brittany was calling back to share the results with me.  Her first words were, "Dr. Crawford says I have a beautiful uterus!"  This was good news, I was sure of that, but I started wondering what constitutes a beautiful uterus.

I had to get an answer to my question so I texted Dr. Crawford and asked, "What exactly makes a uterus beautiful?"  She replied, "It means beautiful!  No masses or abnormalities!"  So there you have it, I now know and there is a picture to prove it.

Brittany then told me that the green dot in the picture is where the embroyo will attach itself when the time comes.  I then had another question, "How do they know that is where it will attach?"  She said they know because that is the thin area in the uterus.  Then I needed to know why the embroyo attaches to the thin area of the uterus and this required more questions for Dr. Crawford.  So, I learned the green dot is the where you find the endometrial lining.  This is what you shed off each month with your period...this is why it is thin now, but it is thicker at the time of ovulation and when the embroyo will be attaching itself.

We came away with postive results after this visit to the doctor.  During this process, it is good to get to recieve as much positive results as possible.  First test down and all is good.  The next test is the hysterosalpingogram (HSG) test to determine if the fallopian tubes are open for eggs and sperm to meet.